My Monologues: Feeling Melancholic

Communicated with his ex-colleague last night by chance. The kind soul emailed me old photos. All 10 of them. Brought back memories. I soooooo miss him.

If only I can turn back time. But I can't. Guess I just have to live with it. And that's the most complex part.

I will try.

Raya on my mind (already??)

Dah siap shopping raya semua? Ya, though I confessed to having completed shopping raya for my girls in Jakarta & Bandung last month, I couldn't resist getting them more stuff when we jalan-jalan at the mall last week. It was actually to get my maid some baju raya, but ended up getting the girls three new items each as well. Tu lah akibatnya shopping masa puasa... nafsu makan disekat, so nafsu shopping yang dilayan... ish ish...

I also got them a pair of ready-made baju kurung each on Sunday. I thought the baju looked sooo adorable... cannot tahan la... this is on top of 2 baju kurung which my mom tempah for them the other day. Now, have to think of a way to explain to mom pagi raya when the girls tak pakai baju yang dia buatkan... how ah? Dahlah she always tell people that she has given up buying things for me because I always dislike what she gets. Mesti dia kecik hati, kan? So my plan is for them to wear the more 'glamorous' baju kurung (glamorous sebab ada jahit labuci, tu je...) which I bought in the morning and then change into the 'sweet and humble' baju kurung which mom made in the evening. Ok kot...

My fav raya cookie Melting Almond dah sampai. My choc chip cookie and kuih samperit belum buat lagi. Plenty of time left to do some baking. The office will be closed for a week (three days of forced leave for everyone) during raya. A total of 9 days off work. Yeay!!

(Gambar untuk sekadar menghiasi post... these cookies are not mine...)

I have always always loved raya. Family gatherings, fabulous food, baju raya, melawat saudara-mara, rumah yang berseri-seri dengan cahaya Syawal etc. It truly is the best time of the year.

However, raya is different for us now. No more baju sedondon for the 4 of us. Just three. Of course, the difference is much much more than that. Ye la... what is raya without the one you love?? No more salam pagi raya from suami yang dikasihi and the list goes on (dah start sedih dah, so I better stop here - if I can help it, I takmo bersedih2 sgt).

Ok lah... sebelum dapat beraya, let's continue to menghayati Ramadhan yang tinggal 18 hari saja lagi. Insya-Allah the last ten nights of the current month of Ramadhan will start on Saturday night, 20 September, and the 27th night will then fall on Friday night, 26 September (thanks, Prof R*dza for the info). Hence, we can start to prepare/plan the necessary to grab the blessings and forgiveness from Allah SWT during this important period.

Selamat beribadah, y'all!!

Father's Day?

I heard this on the radio tonight. Don't think I've heard the song before. And since it's Father's Day, I'm posting it here for me.

The girls doesn't know it's Father's Day today and I purposely did not let them know otherwise. Too much for me to bear at the moment.

Miss you lots, Babang.

Dance with My Father

Luther Vandross

Back when I was a child

Before life removed all the innocence

My father would lift me high

And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep

Then up the stairs he would carry me

And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance

Another walk, another dance with him

I’d play a song that would never, ever end

How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Ooh, ooh

When I and my mother would disagree

To get my way I would run from her to him

He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah

Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep

He left a dollar under my sheet

Never dreamed that he

Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance

One final step, one final dance with him

I’d play a song that would never, ever end

‘Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door

And I’d hear her, mama cryin’ for him

I pray for her even more than me

I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m prayin’ for much too much

But could You send back the only man she loved

I know You don’t do it usually

But Lord, she’s dyin’ to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep

And this is all I ever dream

Note to self: Berjalanlah Tanpa Henti...

Melawan Kesepian

Siti Nurhaliza

Apapun yang terjadi

Berjalanlah tanpa henti

Air mata yang tertahan

Waktu untuk di jatuhkan

Nanti kita kan tahu

Betapa bijaknya hidup

Sepahit apapun ini

Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu

Tak akan merubah apapun

Semoga bisa kulawan

Kesepianku...

Apa pun yang terjadi

Berjalanlah tanpa henti...