“Widowhood is a state of being and coping in the beginning. Then, if you're lucky and smart, it fades into another facet of life.”
- Sally Swift -
- Sally Swift -
I think I have reached a stage in my widowhood where I have totally accepted the realities of being a widow (which includes raising my kids alone without their father, being the sole bread-winner, sending the car to the mechanics for a service myself, doing my own taxes, lifting the heavy groceries from the supermarket alone etc).
If I may say so, I think I dah betul-betul redha. No more asking myself ‘what if’ questions (honestly, still do sometimes but quickly ignore the thought) and no more pondering long and hard about 'the life’ I will never get to live (will quickly snap myself out of it if the mind ever wonders ‘there’). I am done feeling sorry for myself!!
Sure, being a woman that I am (and a Scorpio too!! – deeply emotional and emotionally complex), I have my P-M-Sy days where I feel that the whole world is against me, but I tell myself, I have the same sort of feelings even before I was widowed, so live with it!!
I am… venturing into another facet of life. Yup, just now. After being a widow for 590 days.
I am… venturing into another facet of life. Yup, just now. After being a widow for 590 days.
I am… moving on.
God, help me.
23 comments:
God will help you, insyaallah...
It's good that you want to make that change. It doesn't mean you will forget about arwah (no, he will always be in your heart & mind), but this will make you feel a lot better about yourself. The children will appreciate it as well..
And whenever you need help, we are all here to lend a helping hand.
I know you're strong....!!!
We are always here for you, maira and misha...
mrsnordin -- I am touched by your kind offer... thank you, dear
yeah, moving on doesn't mean that I'll forget the past. Definitely not. But now is the time to focus on the future. I have two 'lil girls whose future depend on me (I do my best and leave the rest to God, of course). Kena kerja keras, nak sekolahkan deruang, kumpul duit untuk bekalan masa tua etc. This is it.
daybab -- thanks, dear... I know I count on you guys... ;-)
MHB, glad for you, Alhamdulillah. I knew you've been on the right track all along. It's just a matter of time.
InsyaAllah, He will help you. The fact is, YOU have been helping yourself, and at the same time, you have always been asking for His help. Hence, His help to bring you to this redha stage.
Just remember, you've got a friend, a sister, in all of us here. Hugs, and can't wait to see you next month, insyaAllah.
MHB
MrsN said it all :)
You have a friend and sister in all of us...
Cheers!
dear sis, i am happy for you. i pray Allah swt will let me be where you are now.. at the moment, things makin lama mcm don't make anymore sense to me. i think i'm falling apart..
I am so proud of you!!!!
Sometimes widowed or not, wives still have to carry the heavy groceries, paint the house, fix the toilet floor, mow the lawn, do the bills herself too apart from the cooking, the cleaning, the kids ferrying, the home tutoring, the cake baking, the office working...ooops ter over emo plaks sini.
You are doing good MHB, again I am just sooooo proud to know someone like you.
hey honey,
funny that you're feeling and writing this after our little bit of communication earlier today, coz I too was thinking the same! I mean, memang totally redha and all, and dah create closure phase after phase (right after 'iddah, trip back home, meeting family and friends, etc), but after slightly more than a month back here - creating space and adjusting the tempo, I've come to terms with it, insyaAllah... and for me, it takes almost a year - this Friday (18th syawal) is a year already.
So, dearest, I've got 2 shoulders and 2 ears if you need one any day. Just in case.. just in case, eh?!
God will indeed help you, dear :)
HE had been there with you and your anak-anak during the darkest moments, and HE will be there with you to continue to go through life with the girls, insya Allah.
And your family and friends (including all the makcik bloggers, of course :)) will definitely be here for you to share your ups and downs, insya Allah.
I make do'a for the best things in life for you and anak-anak, insya Allah. Amin.
Take care, dear.
Dear friends and sisters -- I have tears in my eyes reading your comments. Thank you, thank you and God bless you!!
ms hart -- thank you for writing what you wrote. I HAVE been helping myself all these while without me realising it (and I know I could've helped myself better, but why be so hard on myself, right? ;-)
I have HIM to thank... the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful... alhamdulillah...
waterlily -- thanks, dear sis and friend... really appreciate it!!
nanrfz dear -- insya-Allah, adik sayang... I pray for you and Erina. HE is just testing us and you've been passing his tests. More tests to come for all of us, EVERYONE of us.
On you falling apart... all I can say is sabar... banyakkan beristighfar... I KNOW it's easier said than done. And I also know that sometimes things just doesn't seem to get any better. So what to do? Sabar lagi and sabar lagiiii... insya-Allah, you'll be ok.
wiz -- I've alwiz told you that you're a superwoman!! ;-) tak pe... tak pe... besar pahala isteri yang macam gitu, insya-Allah, HE will reward you in ways you'll never imagine!!
Thanks for being a friend!!
d dearest -- I know!! actually, when we 'talked' earlier yesterday, I had just posted this entry and I thot you had read it!! Dalam hati kata, waaah.. cepat tol orang Coventry baca blog kita heheh... rupanya ada telepathic connection hehe...
closure... yup, we seek that. And it's good that you've had phases of it completed. Insya-Allah, we'll be ok...
and of course, I still need your 2 shoulders and 2 ears, ok?? and you have mine too... anytime ;-)
wanshana -- thanks, sis. Thinking about it, blogging has probably 'accelerated' my 'healing' somewhat. Expressing thoughts and getting positive and constructive comments have been good for my soul.
And I am blessed to have readers like you. Thank you for the du'a. Ameen.
God bless all of you sistas!!
MHB,
HE will.
We will of course be here for you should you have a recourse or a sudden downturn. However, we will always be happy to share your happy thots and feelings too, which I'm sure will be forthcoming in future postings.
Many of your friends here have given you words of encouragement and sisterly support. I'm offering mine too.
I'm sure with your tenacity you will be able to venture into another facet of your life, whilst holding the past close to your heart. Wish I could give you a big hug now for such courage! Well done, dear friend. Well done.
hi love...
i am here..to give you hugsss and to tell you that you are and will be strong to face all d ups and downs..and u are such a wonderful mom too....
take care and i rasa whoever baca ur blog and who knows u, will always doakan you and ur girls..coz i did and will always do..
MTT -- thank you, sista!!
Again, I am very touched with all the support given to me out here. Thank you once again and yeah, please do bear with me should the rollercoaster plunge down again...
Honestly, I am feeling pretty good about myself and my life right now, Alhamdulillah... thanks to HIM for his bounties.
((Hugs to you too))
ladydi -- hey you!! thank you, love...
thanks for all the kind words and du'as and thanks for being a friend!!
:)
I'm happy for you.
*offer one big hug* mowahs mowahs
Assalamualaikum
Dear sister MHB,
A few months back, I am thankful I came across your blog. As I read through your entries, I was deeply moved by your honesty and gently reminded of life's trials and tribulation. Allah knows all. Allah Maha Mendengar, Lagi Maha Melihat.
MHB, as you venture into another facet of life,
May Allah SWT help you, giving you strength, calamity and ease in your daily living and in your duties Ameen Ya Rabbal Alamin
Salam muhibbah and mesra always
FD (now di brunei)
PS: I am an infrequent contributor to a few blogs ;)
Have you watched 'A moment to remember' - a korean love story? So beautiful, so romantic. But I had a box of tissues near me throughout the movie.
Salamm,
Allah SWT itu Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang, coz u are the special person, a strong one, yang sabar dan kerana itu Allah memberikan ujian ini untuk you lalui. Tidak mungkin kita dapat melupakan insan yang istimewa yang pernah hadir dalam jiwa dan hati kita. Our doa will always be with the one we love, dan mereka jua mengetahuinya.
Bagi kita yang masih diberikan Allah kesempatan berada dibumiNya kita tetap perlu terus melangkah. Kenangan bersama mereka akan tetap terpahat di jiwa sebagai memori terindah.
madame blossom -- thanks, dear... ;-D
amy -- ((big hugs to you too)) dearie!
fd -- I started this blog as an online journal for myself, for me to think aloud and documenting photos and daily 'adventures' of me and my girls. It was meant to be just that.
However, I am glad to have had the opportunity to make friends on this blog, offering words of encouragement and du'as. Alhamdulillah... I am blessed.
I must say thank you to all those who have left comments on this humble blog of mine, for I truly appreciate the time and thought put into words for me to read, sometimes ponder and smile to. Thanks to you. ;-)
No, I have not watched "A moment to remember" -- is it a movie or a drama series (am not into the latter). I must check it out!
kaseh -- well put, my dear. At this point in time, I can safely say that I have no regrets. I had loved whole-heartedly and found my one true love. Alhamdulillah, rezeki Allah. Dengan kasih dan cinta between my late hubby and I itu jualah lahirnya dua puteri, whose future now depends on me. I hope I can be a good mom who can give them all they need to guide them through the uncertainties in life. Ameen.
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