Once upon a time, I was a homemaker for two years when I took a break from work to complete my Master's.
Once upon a time, my daily routine included getting the kids ready for school and my best friend ready for work in the morning.
Once upon a time, I'd have a goodbye kiss planted on my lips before my best friend leaves for work in the morning.
Once upon a time, the highlight of my day would be waiting for my best friend to come home from work each night so we'd spend the time talking about our day's hi's and lo's.
Once upon a time.
My kids don't watch the Playhouse Disney channel anymore as they've obviously outgrown it. Somehow, it was on our TV sometime over the weekend. Funny how a simple TV show could evoke such memories for me.
I remember watching the show everyday with Misha after I'd fetch her from kindy at 11.30am. We'd watch the show together while she drinks her milk and before I go out again to fetch Maira from school.
I cherish those years of my life where everything was 'perfect'. But I know no matter how much I 'ache' for those moments to be 'alive' again, I have to be thankful to Allah for everything. For today. For now. For him.
Still, I must admit that I need to remind myself everyday that 'it is for the best' and that 'Allah knows better'.
I pray for strength, Ya Allah...
16 comments:
My heartbleeds, my heart goes out to you and your two daughters. I hope in time you will overcome the pain. My brother in law had also passed away at a young age, leaving my stay at home biras (then 36 yrs old) with 5 kids ranging from 6 to 15. 11 years has passed and all her kids are doing well now. I pray that Allah will give you strength and that your two lovely girls will blossom beautifully and be succesful in whatever they want.
Dear anonymous,
Thank you for your comment. I was speaking to someone I met at a conference yesterday and when the topic of family came up, and the question of 'what does your husband do' cropped up, I had to tell him my story. This elderly gentlemen of a fatherly figure told me that my story is not unique and that there are lots of widowed women out there who have 'made it'.
Your biras is undoubtedly one of 'those women'. I need not look too far -- my mom-in-law was one of 'those women' too.
Thank you for sharing her experience here. Women like your biras truly inspire me.
I'd like to think that 10 years from now, I'd be able to look back and say that I have done my best with my kids, our zuriat who are 'amanah' Allah to me and my late hubby.
Thanks for the du'a. May Allah bless you.
Dear Myheartbleeds,
Indeed, there are many many widows out there (out here) and it is still mind boggling to me.
Memory triggers are great. Reminds me of a song called "There is always something there to remind me".
Dear Sis,
Insya Allah we'll make it. May Allah swt show us the way, the best pada sisi-Nya. And as we move on in life, just keep the happy memories of the past and allow them to give us strength and courage, ok.. cheer up :-)
(reminder to self too.hehe..)
I will always pray for your strength beb!
Dear petite n powerful,
You are definitely 'one of them', you petite and powerful you! ;D
Memory triggers are so powerful. They can either make my heart berbunga-bunga or truly sad, but I love 'em all the same.
Dear nanfrz,
Dik, you are also one of 'those women out there'. And you are always in my thoughts too.
Yes, we have to cheer up!!! :D see, I'm smiling!!! You take care, ok?
Dear amy,
Thanks, beb! You are in my prayers too! Insya Allah I will pray for you @ Jabal Rahmah when I'm there next week. In the meantime, enjoy balik keje kul 5.30-5.40pm... hehe
Sis dear,
Yes, there are many widowed women out there, but that doesn't make you less special in anyway. You are indeed special and unique and your sorrows will not fall on deaf ears. Do hear yourself out and share some of your grief coz there will be people who are more than willing to listen and comfort you. Time will not patch up the hole you have in your heart and it's still gonna hurt when the wind blows through but time will make that heart stronger and stronger. I am in no position to talk to you and offer advice, the only things I could offer are my prayers, my wishes, my thoughts and my ears, only if you want to share.
Myheartbleeds, I'm here. But I need not say more. You know much better. Just lots of hugs for you.
dearie....eventho we've never met each other b4 (but we ARE gonna meet, kan?? - cudn't wait..) i feel so close to you...
and will always doa you sihat..happy, murah rezeki, kuat semangat...Maira n Misha jadi anak yang solehah, taat to Allah s.w.t and to you as their mother and berjaya both dunia and akhirat...Insyaallah.."That's my doa to u guys"..from the very first time i read ur blog...
p.s - sob sob...i ni memang sensitippp...sori ye!!
Wiz dearie,
Thank you for such kind words and the offer. I really appreciate it. You are a wonderful friend.
Ms hart aka Kak Tati dear,
I know. And thank you!!! ;-)
ladydi dearest,
Ameen. Ameen. Ameen & more Ameens to all your du'a!!! Thanks, sis...
Yes, yes, we'll meet soon!!! can't wait!!!
exactly. precisely. 'once upon a time'
remember, dear.. 'It's alright!'
and hey, I knew it: you're going for your umrah, eh?? alahai... i pun ada post to write regarding trip to tanah suci. i nak sangat pesan air zamzam for my sister who's got cancer but how la..??
D dear -- itu bisa di atur...
Insya Allah kalau tak ada aral, I would be honoured to bring some home for your sis. She's here in the Klang Valley??
I pray she is doing ok at the moment. You take care too, k?
Kalau ada apa2 lagi, we can take it offline (kalau nak kirim doa etc). You still have my email add??
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