On your birthday...

Dearest Babang,

You would've been 38 years old today. Reluctantly, the girls and I had to welcome August 3rd for the second time without you around.

I reminded the girls about your birthday earlier in the week, and I asked them what we should do to honour the day. Misha quickly answered, "...pergi kubur daddy". And so, that's what we did today.

I remember your last birthday with us in 2006. You surprised us by planning to come home early after your afternoon meeting. Heck, the girls and I were still scouting around for your present at the mall when you called to say that you were on your way home!! You laughed when I said don't come home yet (of course you knew we were out getting your present!) and detoured to the hardware store to get something for your tool box. Thank you!! ;-)

The girls and I managed to get home before you did (pheww!) and came home with a birthday cake and three prezzies - one from each of us. The girls made homemade happy birthday banners and stuck them on the front door.

We had cake and tea and you opened the prezzies. I didn't manage to capture the moment as I had misplaced our digital camera (we later found it in the Nike backpack which we took to the park the weekend earlier, remember?)

You know what? I dreamt about you last night. It was so vivid. It was just the two of us and we were shopping for Maira's shoes. In another scene, we were hugging each other and I was telling you that it might be a good idea for us to settle in Penang where things are less hectic and not as fast-paced as KL. I was telling you that maybe it would be good for our little family to move (we had never discussed this and this was never an option). And then I woke up.

Dearest Babang,

Not a minute passes by without you in my thoughts. Life is so different without you. Period.

I wish you could take one look at me right now to know how I'm feeling. You've always been good at that.

I pray that Allah is taking good care of you and bless you always.

Here's a poem I'd like to dedicate to you. It's hung on our bathroom wall soon after you left.

Untitled

~Claudia Adrienne Grandi~

If I had to

spend my life without you,

I'd be forced to spend my life

without a part of me.

You are so much a part of me

that loving you

is not a matter of choice...

it's what I do...

it's what I am...